Trapped With Secrets
by gaia-x-goddess
Summary: After a joke goes wrong the team are trapped in the Hub for the night. Ianto can't sleep so he checks up on how the others are doing but he ends up finding out a lot more then he meant to. And will his favours need repaying? Jack/Ianto Owen/Tosh Gwen/Rhys
1. Chapter 1

_I fancied doing a story where I could really write personal stuff about other characters, other than Ianto. Not that I mind Ianto, hence the Janto in this story. Please review. XxX_

"It was…terrifying…the dead body, bobbing on the surface of the water…" Owen gasped. Then he looked around at the others and grinned ruefully. "Nah, that's not gonna work, with our jobs is it?" They shook their heads.

"Seen too much horror, I guess…" said Gwen.

"Yeah…but it's not all bad is it?" said Ianto cheerfully.

"Well no, not while you're shagging the boss…" Owen pointed out.

"Owen!" Tosh shushed him. "Come on, we all want to go home, things to do, people to see…"

"And whose idea was it to close the Hub down? Trapping us all here tonight?"

"Jack!"

"Hey, come on guys…"

"To be fair, we did trick him into thinking it was a code red…"

"Code mauve."

"Pardon?"

"Mauve. Not red."

"What's red then?"

"Oh you know…"

"Give us a clue…"

"It involves dancing."

"Jack, everything with you involves dancing."

"No. That's not true."

"Come on then Ianto. What does Jack do that doesn't involve dancing?"

"Um…"

"Don't tell 'em, Yan."

"Tosh?"

"Yeah?"

"How come we've got no lights? I mean, I get Jack locking us in but the lights?Aren't they on a separate system?"

"Well, Owen, I could've turned them on 10 minutes ago but Jack and Ianto had been sitting next to each other, in the dark for half an hour. I didn't want to look…"

They all considered the truth of this.

"Still…" Gwen said, breaking the silence. "At least they're together now, sort of. I dunno about you but it was driving me crazy!"

"Gwen?" Tosh asked. "You don't have to, y'know, pretend. That you're fine with them being together. And it's okay, they left silently 'bout... a minute ago, they're not here anymore."

"Jeez Tosh." Owen said loudly. "Can't you, for once, not spy on people?"

"Just because you didn't notice them leave!"

"Oooooh…touchy…"

"Owen Harper, you can be such a bloody annoying prick at times!"

"That's me, yeah."

"…"

"Okay Tosh, I'm sorry. You're right-we're stuck here for the night. I recommend sleeping-not that Jack and Ianto are going too but…"

"Yeah. Well, Gwen is edging towards the bench-so it's just me and you on the floor here, Owen."

"Oh great, what more could a man want?"

"Just don't try to rape me and I'll be happy."

"As if I would…"

* * *

It had all, technically, been Jack's fault. I mean, sure they had tricked him but…how were they meant to know that he would over react? They had made up the planet's name, for God's sake! But apparently _Skaro _meant something to Jack.

Not that it mattered really, Ianto considered. It just saved him having to avoid going home until everyone else had left, until it was just him and Jack, the way he liked it best.

Oh, they were his friends, he didn't doubt that. But he didn't love them, not in the way he loved Jack. In the way he sometimes thought, wistfully, that Jack loved him…

He had never told Jack. He knew they were more than just shagging now. After that dance, at Gwen's wedding, that ever so public display of them, he knew that it was more then sex.

But a relationship? No, that implied domesticity and…and meeting the parents, and dates and living together and…

And, to be honest, he couldn't picture Jack meeting his parents, sharing his flat, going on dates and holidays with him.

So it remained a mystery, as to what they were, Jack and Ianto. However, that wasn't important now. Jack was. Grasping life today, before it got taken away from you, that was the important thing. Lisa had taught him that.

But now Jack was asleep. Ianto got dressed again, ever so quietly and crept upstairs. What he saw surprised him.

Tosh was curled up next to Owen, both of them asleep on the floor. Gwen was on the bench, snoring softly. Ianto chuckled. He'd never imagined Gwen as being a snorer…

Suddenly a cry from Tosh filled the air. She sat bolt upright, staring at nobody.

"It's coming! The ghost!" she screamed. "It's coming for me!"

_Yeah, a bit of a rubbish cliffhanger but the idea is that Ianto goes around the Hub and as the night progresses he gradually finds out more about the others. I'm going to (hopefully) write longer, better chapters...this was just a starter. Thanks! Xx_


	2. Chapter 2

_**I'm sorry this chapter is so short but I've been having problems with my email (E.G fanfiction has stopped emailing me) so I need to check if I've fixed it. And I felt guilty about not updating anyway. So here it is and also, if I haven't reviewed a story I have on update...I probably don't know it's been updated. Sorry!**_

Ianto watched Tosh over his coffee. She was still shaking, even though he had rushed to get a blanket and some coffee for her.

"I'm…I'm sorry Ianto…It's just…"

"Never mind." He silenced her immediately. "Are you okay now?"

"Yeah. I know its stupid but-"

"Trust me, Tosh, it's not stupid. Nightmares aren't stupid, people think they are but it's not a weakness or anything, it's just…"

"It keeps coming. Every night I close my eyes and it's there and it's…it's my dad…"

Ianto smiled warmly at her, encouraging her to keep talking. He had never imagined Tosh as being the sort to have nightmares…especially not about their families, although, to be fair, none of them ever really spoke about their private lives. Well, Gwen did talk about Rhys a fair bit (Ianto suspected it was to make Jack jealous but if it was it wasn't working.) Owen didn't have much a private life…or if he did, it was very well hidden underneath the countless stories of sex and drink. Jack…was just Jack…and Tosh had always given the impression her life was nothing special.

That was the problem with this job. It became your life, so much that you forgot about normal things like families.

"He…he's a ghost…not, you know, like Casper…he looks normal, but I know he's dead and he keeps coming, he just…keeps coming…"

"What happened, Tosh?" Ianto asked. "Have you ever told anyone? Owen?"

"No!" Tosh said, a little too quickly. "No, I mean, why would I tell Owen?"

"Because he's a doctor?"

"Oh! Yes, obviously but he's not, you know, a psychiatrist is he? And who else would I tell?"

"Well, go on then…if you're ready…I mean…keeping secrets hurts. Even if telling them will mean danger for someone you love…you still want to tell, don't you?"

She smiled sadly, touched his arm lightly. "You tried your best for her, Ianto."

"So…how long have you had these dreams then?" he asked, changing the subject.

"After he died…everyone was comforting me, saying it would never happen again…that I was safe now…but I knew, I just knew that I wasn't safe. Even after he killed himself, I knew he could still get me."

"What did he do to you?" Ianto said quietly, angrily. "What did he do to hurt you so badly?"

"_Toshiko Sato! Where are you, you little devil?" To anyone else, it seemed like the loving cry of a father but to her, it was something much more terrifying. _

"_I'm up here Daddy…" she dutifully replied._

"_I'm coming to get you…wait right there…"_

"_Okay Daddy…"_

_And he came into her room, where she was obediently lying on her bed, waiting, with her music turned up so her mother wouldn't hear anything and be hurt by what her father was doing to her. Her loving, role model of a father._

"_I'll never leave you, my darling Tosh." He would say afterwards. "I'm a brilliant daddy aren't I? I love you very much, don't you know that? And I love your mummy. One big, happy family. I'll never leave you, ever. I'll stay with you, in your dreams forever, won't I?"_

"_Yes daddy. One big, happy family."_

_She never questioned him. Surely every Dad did what he did, came into their daughter's rooms and tore off their clothes? After all…he was her loving father. And he loved her very much, so much that he would never leave her, ever._

**_Thanks for reading, hope it was okay. Please review!_**


	3. Chapter 3

_So, thanks for the reviews and the alerts, it means a lot. Thanks for reading! By hte way this chapter is strictly Ianto/Tosh friendship, nothing more. And the whole story is coming together in an ending later, quite a fluffy one too._

"And you never told?" Ianto asked, horrified by Tosh's account of her childhood.

"Well, like I said, who would I tell?"

"Your mum? Owen?"

"I was…protecting by mum, by not telling her. When he died…he told everyone…they were all shocked. Apart from her. I don't think she cared, she didn't believe it of him, but all my life…I was protecting her."

Ianto breathed in deeply, his own worries slipping away with concern for Tosh.

"And Owen?" she continued. "Why does everyone assume I'd tell Owen? Why him?"

"If you don't know, I can't tell you." Said Ianto smoothly. "But surely you've seen the way he looks at you sometimes? The way he stares, the way he talks?"

"I…" she was struck for words. _I thought I imagined it. I wanted it to be true, so I imagined it…_

"Just consider it." He wasn't going to press the point since Tosh had had a rough night already but he was sick of love-struck Tosh and Owen. Hell, he could see it, why couldn't they?

"And…you and Jack…?" she asked coyly.

"We're…I don't know…" he covered up his confusion quickly. "Are you okay now Tosh?"

"I…thanks for listening. I didn't think anyone would care so much…at all…"

"We all care, Tosh, we're a family, remember? Secrets hurt. And besides…you needed to talk. I can't believe-if Jack knew-"

"Please, don't tell him, Ianto. I'll tell everyone but when I want to. Please?"

"Of course I wouldn't tell!" he said, highly offended. "No-one would listen to me anyway. Don't worry-I'm just the tea boy, no-one cares."

"That's not true!" she protested. "Everyone cares, you said it yourself. One family, remember?"

"Anyway…I wouldn't tell. But I'm glad you are telling, just so you know."

"Ianto, thanks so much for listening. I…if it's still there, waiting…" she began to sob, shaking lightly. Ianto hugged her, trying to calm her down.

"Tosh, you did nothing wrong. I promise you, it wasn't your fault, ever."

"I…I…"

"Come on…" he held her until she had stopped crying. "You okay now?"

She shook her head. "You must think I'm such an idiot…"

"Of course I don't!" he reassured her. "Now, do you want to sleep with Owen on the floor again?"

"Yes please…" she whispered, helpless and as scared as a child. He helped her back onto the floor, presented her with a blanket and pillow and lay her down.

"There you go…you must be tired, busy day tomorrow…just go to sleep now. It's okay…Owen's there, we're all your friends, nothings going to hurt you." He whispered, talking to her, calming her down until she had fallen asleep.

He returned to Jack's room but somehow he felt even less tired now. His mind was buzzing with the things Tosh had told him._ She covered it up well…even that joke, earlier today about Owen raping her…she never showed how much it hurt._

He felt a sort of pride, in knowing that she had confided her secrets to him. But at the same time…he hated knowing this, about Tosh. He could never go to her again, with a minor problem. He'd feel days of guilt, if he did that.

Jack snored softly and Ianto chuckled. He kissed Jack on the forehead lovingly.

"I love you…and I wish you knew it. I wish you knew how much it hurt when you left, how much it hurt when you came back. I wish…I wish you loved me back…" he whispered. Jack snored again and rolled over, nearly squashing Ianto. Ianto sighed and wandered back upstairs. He sat down and watched the sleeping Toshiko carefully, trying to deduce whether she was all right. When he was satisfied he turned his gaze to Owen, who looked unusually pale when he was asleep.

10 minutes later, like Tosh before him, Owen woke up.

He promptly vomited, all over Ianto's feet.

Lovely.

_Next chapter up soon, I promise!_

_Thanks for reading!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Wow! Thanks for all the reviews and alerts! Hope this chapter is okay; I got a bit stuck writing it._

If there was a worst feeling then someone projectile vomiting at your feet Ianto had yet to experience it.

Owen sat, the blanket pulled around him, sipping the water that Ianto had conjured up and watching him clean up his sick. It was amazing how Ianto just couldn't leave any mess…not that Owen cared, particularly, at this moment in time.

"You want a bowl?" Ianto asked practically.

"I…nah, I think I'm okay…thanks, mate."

"Well, Doctor Harper, what do you thinks the matter? Want me to wake Jack? Is it alien or-"

Owen smiled queasily. "God, Ianto you don't half fuss."

"Well, in this job, you never know. When I was at Torchwood One there was this outbreak of alien flu, Lisa caught it, she said-" he caught himself. "She said a lot of things."

Owen didn't press the point. "I'm okay though, thanks. I reckon it was that pizza…"

"Really? I reckon it was that pizza and a half…and the rest of Tosh's curry…and that half a tub of that sick coleslaw Jack insists on ordering…and that beer…"

Owen groaned. "God, I don't half feel miserable."

"Sure you don't want a bowl?"

"I'll skip…but I'll stay up for ten minutes, just in case."

"Why don't you lie back down?"

"I won't be able to sleep after this…straight away anyway. Sorry."

"Nah, you lie down and I'll just stay for a while, until you go back to sleep. Okay?"

"Okay, _mum._" Owen grumbled but did as he was told, lying back on the floor next to Tosh-who, Ianto was pleased to see, was now asleep again.

"Share her blanket." Ianto instructed. "Sure you're okay?"

"Listen, it's not the first time I've had to wake up in the night because I've eaten too much. Actually, it's usually mainly alcohol. But…same thing."

"Drowning your sorrows?" Normally he wouldn't have asked, but he was bored, and slightly annoyed at Owen for wrecking his floor.

"You don't know the half of it…"

"Tosh?"

"What?"

"Well…have you asked her out yet? Because I know Gwen was threatening too, for you…it's pretty annoying you know."

"What is? What?"

"For a doctor Owen, you can be really thick."

"Oy!"

Ianto smiled but decided to get his own back on Owen later. It wasn't fair for him to get revenge while the other man was ill.

"I mean you and Tosh, Owen."

"What about us? I mean…there's nothing there."

"Everyone else can see it, though. Just ask her out, it's making us all so fed up!"

"Well then…if it's annoying **you **I better stop it." Owen said sarcastically. Then he groaned.

"Owen? You okay?"

"Fine. Just…oh, god, I need sleep. My mum used to be good at this…"

"What? What was she good at?"

"When I was ill…and she wasn't too pissed, she would read to me. Otherwise I couldn't get too sleep…"Owen's voice was gradually growing fainter.

"You want me to…read to you?" Ianto said disbelievingly.

"Just…talk. Please? I'm going to kill myself for saying this but…I need you to do this. Otherwise I won't be able to sleep…and I'll be horrible tomorrow."

"Fine." Ianto began to talk, going over his life in such tiny detail, right up to when he met Lisa. Then he stopped, the rush of memories hitting him hard. Owen yawned in his sleep behind him. Ianto smiled and stood up. He went back downstairs again.

Staring at Jack he crouched down. "I can help Tosh, by listening." He whispered. "I can help Owen by talking. How can I help you? What do you want? What do you feel, really? Does it hurt…everyday, do the losses hurt? Can you bear to love again?" Then Ianto stood up, slightly annoyed with himself. _Even if he can bear to love…why would he choose to love me?_ He wondered.

_Gwen next chapter, then a chapter with Ianto thinking through the nights events, then two more chapters which will bring it all together! That's the plan so far, anyway...Thanks for reading!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Well, this is Gwen...I'm writing the next chapters now so hopefully an update soon! Thanks to everyone who reviewed!_

It wasn't exactly a premonition but when Gwen woke up Ianto wasn't surprised. He had expected it…the way his night was going.

"Gwen? You okay?"

"Ianto! Yeah…I just…woke up…I've been doing it a lot recently."

"Rhys?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "I wish he could be more…supportive…"

"He's jealous, you know."

"Of Jack?"

"Well…hardly of me…" he said dryly. She glanced at him, surprised.

"I love him, of course I love him, and he knows that, right? So why…why is he so god damned jealous?"

Ianto bit back the sharp retort that sprang to his tongue. Did she really not know? "Gwen…have you heard the way you talk about Jack? Especially in front of Rhys?"

"No…" she frowned. "What do I do?"

"You…you get all animated and…your eyes flash…like it's really exciting…"

"Been looking into my eyes, have you?" she teased, trying to cover up her alarm. Of course she cared about Jack…but not like that…well, not much like that…

"No." he said, slightly annoyed that she was rebuffing him. He was trying to help, for goodness sake.

"Hey, hey." She soothed him. "I know you've got Jack and-"

He sighed. "Yeah. I've got Jack…today. What about tomorrow, Gwen, what about the day when I wake up and he's not there?"

"He…he won't leave you again…"

"But what if the end of world comes again? What if his precious Doctor comes?" Ianto spat. The look of surprise on Gwen's face calmed him down. "Sorry. But every day with Jack…it's just waiting, for that day when he goes…"

"He cares about us. About you. He won't leave again, Ianto. Why can't you see it? He loves you!"

Echoes of Ianto's talks with Tosh and Owen reflected in his head. _Everyone else can see it though…Just ask her out, it's making us all so fed up!_ Was he being like Tosh, like Owen? Refusing to see what was under his eyes?

No…no, for so many reasons. Jack was an immortal human from the 51st century; Ianto was a tea-boy. Jack would shag anything…Ianto preferred to wait. Jack never spoke of past relationships…everyone could remember Ianto's past relationship.

"I'm sorry Gwen, but I think you're wrong." He said resolutely.

"Yeah?" she sounded disappointed. Then she wrinkled up her nose. "Smells a bit, doesn't it? Who puked?"

Ianto grinned, but decided he wouldn't give Owen away. It was up to him to tell the others about the midnight vomit…just like it was up to Tosh to tell the others about her Dad.

"No-one. I'll disinfect it tomorrow." He replied smoothly.

"God, Ianto, you do so much…" she yawned. "I wonder if Rhys is up too…?" she questioned sleepily.

"Should he be? Does he normally get up with you?"

"Generally, I wake him…and we start some sort of tired argument about some piece of crap." She started to laugh shakily but soon dissolved into tears. "Sorry, sorry…God, I'm so tired…but, you know Ianto, it's the best job in the universe but sometimes…it just feels like shit."

"At least you've got Rhys. He loves you. Don't waste your life arguing…because we know how easily lives can be thrown away…have fun."

She looked up and smiled. "Since when did you become so wise?"

"Since Lisa." He answered. She looked uncomfortable, wondering how to respond. It was a touchy subject with Ianto…they all remembered when Owen had tried to talk to Ianto about it. Starting off with a joke. They hadn't dared to touch their coffee for a week…

"Consider it done."

"Right. Well…it's good advice anyway. Remind me to ring him again tomorrow…please." she asked.

She settled down again, grinning at the sight of Tosh and Owen, curled up together.

"Sweet, huh?" Ianto saw where she was looking.

"Yep…but I do wish they'd get together. It's so annoying…"

"Do you know, Gwen, I think they just might."

She smiled up at him and let the night wash her away.

_So...at least three more chapters. Please review!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed! Sorry this has taken a while-I've been away..._

Ianto sat in Jack's office, trembling on a chair. He kept going over everything…Tosh's secret…Owen's surprising weakness…Gwen's anger with the job, with Rhys…

And everyone thought that he and Jack were in love.

He knew Jack, knew that Jack wasn't exactly one to commit. Quite the opposite in fact. He accepted that he loved Jack…had accepted that a long time ago. But he couldn't shake the feeling that Jack viewed him as just…well, sex.

And Tosh…poor Tosh, sweet Tosh who thought that it was **her**.

All the revelations flew around his head, giving him a headache. Actually…the tiredness was sneaking in now, making him sluggish and lethargic.

He really, really hoped that he wasn't catching something. Maybe Owen was wrong…maybe he had had a bug.

Whatever; he felt awful.

* * *

Owen yawned sleepily, without realising that Tosh was still next to him. When he turned his head, his heart skipped a beat.

He had slept well. Thanks to Ianto. Owen had never really experienced gratitude before but he expected that it felt like this.

He snuggled into Tosh's arms and pretended to be asleep, for when she woke up.

* * *

Tosh knew Owen was awake the minute she woke up. She could tell.

She felt…lighter, happier. Ianto had lifted her burden.

She would tell the others today…but first she would enjoy this feeling, of Owen's arms around her, protecting her.

After all…if Ianto was right, he felt the same way about her. So it wouldn't be doing any harm, to lie in the arms of another man again, would it?

* * *

Gwen raised one eye delicately and saw that it was, in fact, dawn. She was phoning Rhys, first thing.

Well. Maybe a coffee first._ I take Ianto for granted,_ she realised_, but no-one has helped me like that before._

* * *

Jack had often left people's beds in the middle of the night but he had never had it happen to him before.

He stared around, feeling slightly foolish. Where was Ianto?

_Well, I guess this proves it. It really is just sex to him._ Jack cursed himself, for allowing himself to believe it was something more.

Still…he got out of bed and got changed rapidly, lest one of the others came in.

"Ianto!" he called.

"Hi Jack." Gwen replied, looking happy. "Good night?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah." Gwen commented. "First time in a while actually."

He raised an eyebrow. "Okay…seen Ianto anywhere?"

"I thought he was with you?" she frowned.

"I saw him last night." Tosh said, untangling herself from Owen reluctantly.

"Me too." Owen supplied, not really caring, more interested in Tosh…and coffee.

"Ooh, me too!" Gwen sounded surprised.

"He was up all night?" Jack questioned. "But he was exhausted! He'll be dead on his feet! What was he doing?"

Owen shrugged. Tosh looked blank and Gwen looked embarrassed.

"Sorry…we didn't ask." Gwen eventually supplied. "I guess we were too busy talking about ourselves…we didn't think to ask about him."

"So where is he?" Jack repeated, panicking now. "Anyone?"

Tosh was looking alarmed now. "Oh God…I can't believe I didn't ask him why he was up…"

"So? Check his desk. Check the Hub. Check the kitchen. He's probably making a coffee." Owen grumbled, feeling that even though Ianto was missing he shouldn't show too much warmth towards the younger man…otherwise people might ask what Owen and Ianto had spoken about during the night. And that was a secret Ianto would have to keep. _I trust him,_ Owen realised. _I trust him not to tell._

"I'll check the CCTV…" volunteered Tosh, hurrying off towards her desk. As the computer loaded a warning light flashed. **Warning! Alien presence in Hub!**

"Jack!" she called. Jack came hurrying over, obviously expecting news of Ianto.

"Shit." He swore. "What is it Tosh?" Her fingers were already typing away as she analysed the threat.

"It appears to be some kind of microbe…a bacterium maybe? By these readings it seems to be only harmful to people when…if…they're too lethargic to react. Apparently they have some way of slowing the immune system down as you get wearier…Oh my God…"

"Ianto." Jack finished for her. He looked around with more urgency. "Analyse the bacterium. Owen, Gwen, you find Ianto. If he's down, Owen, you put him in the Med Bay and Gwen you get me. Okay?"

Everyone nodded; Owen not even complaining.

"If he is ill, I'll look after him." Owen said suddenly. Jack looked at him, surprised.

"No, its okay, I don't mind." Gwen said.

"Actually…I will…" Tosh said.

"What's got into you three?" Jack exclaimed.

"I think…well I don't know about the others but…Ianto…he really helped me…last night…" Tosh said shiftily. _Now isn't the time to tell them. Ianto. Concentrate on Ianto._

"Found him!" Owen shouted.

"Already?" Jack was surprised by that. "He was in my office? Is he okay?"

There was silence. Jack rushed towards the office quickly, Tosh following.

They all had reasons for wanting to be by Ianto's side.

_So...a bit of a cliffhanger there, sorry. But I hope it was worth the long wait!_


	7. Chapter 7

_A nice long chapter for thanks to all you kind people who reviewed. Thanks and I hope it's okay! Sorry for the cliffhanger there..._

Ianto was pale and trembling and normally that wouldn't have meant much to Jack. He would have cared, sure but…hell, they all got scared, even him. And sometimes…sometimes the fear didn't hit you until two years later, in the middle of the night. But Ianto didn't just look terrified, he looked sick and tired…feverish and alone.

"Help him!" Jack barked.

"What the fuck do you think I'm doing?" Owen shouted as he helped Ianto to his feet. "Gwen, for Gods sake help me!"

"Shit…oh, shit…" Gwen said softly. Jack nudged her and she shook her head. "Sorry Owen…" she ran off upstairs. Jack sighed, frustrated, and helped Owen haul Ianto onto his feet and into the Med Bay.

"Gwen!" he called as he returned into the hub. "Goddammit girl, why didn't you help?"

"It was my fault…" she sobbed. "I kept him talking…I kept him from going to sleep, if he dies…"

"Gwen, Gwen, weren't you listening? Everyone kept him up. As for why they did…I'm guessing we need to talk about that later. If it gets to the stage when everyone latches on to Ianto to talk about their problems because he's the _one who won't tell, _well that's when we need to have a little team talk. Now, go and help Owen, okay? Or do you want to help Tosh?"

"Tosh." She murmured, already drying her eyes. "You go and be with Ianto. I know you want to."

He smiled at her and called up to Tosh. "Work on analysing the bacteria, see if you can control it, get rid of it. I'll send Owen up as soon as he's done with Yan. Okay?"

When she nodded he hurried down to Owen.

"How is he?"

"He's in a bad way, Jack. This bacterium seems to be affecting everything…but I can't see any effects that are too bad, yet. If we can get rid of the bacteria then he'll be fine in about…a week, I guess. Just nauseous and delirious, probably. If not…this bacterium is a killer, Jack. Look at the way it picks its victims…waits until their too tired to put up a fight and then…wham! I'll help Tosh try and analyse the bacteria. I'm sorry but…I have to say, it's our only chance."

Jack nodded weakly and moved to Ianto's side. Wiping his forehead, he took Ianto's temperature. _Shit, that's not right._ He was gradually realising that Owen and Tosh were running on the shortest amount of time. Once the bacteria developed…Ianto was dead.

* * *

Tosh, Owen and Gwen worked quickly and smoothly. Despite anything Jack said they couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that was lodged inside each of them. They all felt that it was, partly, their fault. They also knew that they were working against the clock. It all seemed so hopeless, now. Time was ticking and Ianto's life was at risk.

When Tosh found of a way to get rid of the particles she couldn't believe it. She called Owen over and started explaining her theory.

"If we get the fan on and the vacuum field above the Hub, then we magnetise the fan…"

"Yes!" Owen exclaimed. "Tosh, you're right. Magnetise the fan…and therefore the entrance to the vacuum…and program the fan in for small living organisms…yes, we know the bacteria are partly metal…odd that…yes, it will work! Do it!"

Tosh worked quickly, turning on the fan and vacuum. The contraption had been Jack's idea after that outbreak of cat eating viruses…_'next time, they could eat humans…better safe then sorry!'_ The one problem had been that it tended to attract the bacteria inside humans too…their immune systems had been down for weeks, but if you magnetised it…then you could program it! That was the theory…she only hoped it would work.

* * *

Jack smiled as the fan whirled into action. Of course Tosh would think of the fan…Jack only cursed himself for not thinking of it sooner.

Ianto groaned in his arms. Jack looked down, worried. He hoped the bacteria hadn't taken effect already…that it wasn't too late…

Owen came rushing down. However much he hated to admit it, he had been worrying about Ianto-and not just because he was a patient. He quickly checked the life signs.

"Well?"

"It's too early to tell. We got rid of them all…but about Ianto…we better just wait and see."

Jack nodded. "When…if…he gets better we'll talk about this. All of it. Secrets hurt…so we better all have a heart to heart, see what everyone told Ianto. Anything we need to say, we'll say it. But we need to get Yan better first…"

"Are you going to tell him how you feel?" Owen blurted out, intrigued. Jack looked up quickly.

"That depends. Are you going to tell Tosh?"

Owen went red. "I feel like such a fool…" he murmured.

"Yeah. Ianto…?"

"Best thing we can do is give him this-" Owen injected an alien antibiotic into Ianto's arm "-and let him rest. We can all look after him- it's going to take some time for him to get better."

"Sure. Tell the others- it's going to be an eventful week…"

* * *

When it was Tosh's turn to look after Ianto she comforted him when he got feverish. She told him not to worry about things, things that hadn't been his fault…like Lisa. She told him of the love Jack had for him…of the love that everyone had for him. How Torchwood couldn't function without him…how he had helped everyone, if only they had realised it before…

In her own way, she repaid his favour.

* * *

When Owen had to look after him, he spoke to Ianto. He read stories, he told jokes, and he repeated conversations. He only stopped to check how the younger man was doing, and then he proceeded to talk again, no matter how much his voice was hurting. He reminded himself of how Ianto had helped him…then he forced himself to continue.

In his own way, he repaid his favour.

* * *

When Gwen looked after Ianto she listened to his feverish ramblings. She comforted him, told him what she could see between him and Jack. She told him how much he had helped her and how grateful she was. She held his hand when the memories started to get more painful for him, held his hand and listened.

In her own way, she repaid his favour.

* * *

When Jack had his turn he would lie on the bed next to the younger man. He would stroke his hair and rub his back and wipe his mouth when he was sick. He would promise the younger man forever…then say nothing. He would try and tell Ianto how he felt…but he just felt a bit silly because Ianto probably wouldn't remember it anyway. So he would just lie there and comfort him, hoping that he was helping and that Ianto would get better soon…so they could go out somewhere. A really nice date, no rooftops, no aliens, just the two of them. Somewhere really special, really beautiful.

Then Jack would sigh because he was getting more and more worried that Ianto would never be better. Jack couldn't bear to plan ahead because he wasn't sure anymore whether Ianto would ever recover, ever respond to his touch again. He wasn't sure whether Ianto would ever kiss him again, and he didn't know that he could bear that. So he just waited, and hoped.

And sometimes, when they all got worried, they would watch Ianto together. Their secrets would hang in the air, heavy and daunting, but more worrying was the feeling that they would never share what had happened that night. Because Ianto wasn't waking up…


	8. Chapter 8

_Sorry for the time taken to update- but I've been reading some really good stories recently! Anyway thanks for all the reviews and alerts-it's really great!_

Rhys was used to Gwen's work hours-or lack of them. It was when she started staying late, night after night, refusing to talk about it when she did get back that he started to worry.

Hell; he made no secret of the fact that he didn't trust Captain Jack Harkness. He loved Gwen-he wanted her all to himself. He did try not to be a selfish git, or pry but now, he felt, was the time to ask what was going on.

He strode up to the tourist office he knew was the entrance to Torchwood. The sign on the door read _closed until further notice. Apologies for any inconvenience caused. _

"Jack!" he called through the window, when he knew that no-one was around. "Gwen!"

Gwen came hurrying towards him 5 minutes later.

"Rhys, what's the matter, love I'm sorry but now really isn't the time…"

"No, Gwen." He said angrily. "Don't just fob me off with a kiss and a hug, I need answers. What's been going on with Torchwood? Why aren't you telling me what's going on?"

She let out a sob. "Jack!"

"Let him in…" Jack's weary voice came over the speakers. _Can't you give us some privacy, you bastard! _Rhys thought. _I might have kissed her…or…but God doesn't he sound tired?_

"Well, what's the matter then? And where's that welsh bloke, doesn't he normally look after this place?" Rhys demanded, noticing with some anxiety that Jack looked unusually weary.

"Ianto is…unavailable…" Jack said after a pause. "Surely Gwen told you?"

"No…" he sounded confused. "Is he…oh God, Gwen, tell me he's not…"

"No." she replied tersely.

Owen came into the room. "Its okay, Tosh is down there…" he said to Jack before noticing Rhys. "What the hell are you doing here, mate? It's really-really not a good time."

"I know." Rhys said sombrely. "I don't know what's going on but Gwen, you're exhausted. I know it's something to do with Torchwood…and to be honest, you all look like shit. And if it affects Gwen, it affects me." Gwen groaned slightly, hating Rhys' macho speech but Jack seemed to take this in.

"Okay…" he said. "Well, you may as well come and see him…" he hurried slightly, leading Rhys down a corridor. Owen followed and Gwen lagged behind. Rhys was a bit worried by that…Gwen seemed really upset. Even Jack looked upset…cheesy Jack who was never put down, always up and ready to go.

Apart from now, of course. Now…he just looked miserable.

"Yan?" Jack asked as he entered the room. Tosh smiled up at him, her red rimmed eyes showing all too clearly that she had been crying.

"No change. Sorry." She replied, evidently not put out by Rhys-or too tired to react.

Rhys didn't really care though. He was staring at Ianto.

The man lay there, obviously asleep but pale and thin. He was dressed in just a pair of tracksuit bottoms and had obviously thrown off his blanket, which was lying in a pile next to the makeshift bed.

"What happened…?" he finally asked.

"He was up all night. A bacterium that fed off tiredness got him. We got rid of it but…the damage was done. Who knows whether he'll survive…" Jack said, without looking round. He was busying himself with Ianto, looking after him. Rhys watched them silently, marvelling at how Captain Innuendo finally seemed to be in love.

Gwen was watching them too. "He's not always asleep. Sometimes…he wakes up. He forgets everything, he's feverish. We take turns looking after him…" she buried her head in Rhys' shoulder, the tears claiming her now. "If he dies…it'll be because we kept him up..." she said through her tears. "Oh, God I'm sorry Rhys…you didn't have to see this…"

"Now, listen." He said, trying to take control. Everyone looked up at him, too tired to be startled by the sudden change in his stance. "You all leave Ianto. I'll look after him. You all need sleep; otherwise you'll be no good to him or yourselves. I'm sure that you can all sleep here…if Gwen sleeps in that room I saw there…and Jack, don't you have your own room? Then there's a double bed for you two-" he motioned to Owen and Tosh. They stared at him, then each other. Tosh yawned and rested her head on Owen's shoulder.

"Just for tonight, Owen, don't make a fuss." She asked.

"I don't expect I'd be up to my normal standard anyway…" he replied. "Just sleep, yeah?"

She nodded and they headed off. Rhys turned to Gwen with a bemused smile.

"I thought they were together…the way they were standing. Obviously not…come on, love, up to bed. He propelled her out of the door. "And you…" he pointed to Jack. "Go on, he'll be fine. I won't touch him, promise." Jack still didn't move.

"So…you and him…" Rhys asked, even though it was obvious, to him, from the way Jack was stroking Ianto's hair.

"Nah…" Jack dismissed the idea. "Well…sort of…are you sure about doing this? You don't have to…"

"Yeah, you all need rest. I'm doing it for Gwen. Go on…" Rhys smiled (he and Jack having a conversation? What was going on?)

"Looks like Ianto's still working his magic…everyone seems willing to talk around him…" Jack murmured. "Thanks, Rhys."

"S'ok."

Jack smiled and left, pausing only to glance at Ianto before heading to bed. Rhys sat for a few minutes, then got up and walked around Ianto, noticing just how thin the man was. He glanced at the machines but soon realised he had no idea on how to read them so he gave up.

He fished a book out of his pocket, noted the title (_Welsh Rugby: Glories, triumphs and tactics) _and started to read.

He was around chapter 11: _Undermine their confidence_ when he heard a noise from the direction of Ianto. He looked up. Ianto was lying there, eyes wide open, gasping for air.

"Jack…" he croaked.

Rhys didn't know what to do. Call Jack? Help Ianto? Surely Gwen had said that Ianto had been waking up…but feverish? Would Ianto have known Jack's name if he was feverish?

He stayed there, paralysed by indecision, until he finally turned around again.

The noises coming from Ianto had stopped.

_Sorry for the cliffhanger...but I'll try to update soon. Thanks for reading!_


	9. Chapter 9

_Sorry this chapter is a bit shorter then before. Thanks for all the brilliant reviews and alerts!_

Rhys breathed deeply before knocking on Jack's door.

"Jack?""Uhh…" Jack groaned. "Is…is Ianto okay…?"

"Sorry, did I wake you? It's 11 am. Guess you needed that sleep, huh?" Rhys grinned, a little smugly.

"Anything happen during the night?" Jack questioned sleepily. "Anything…to do with Ianto?"

"Well…he woke up…"Rhys said.

"Did he say anything? Did you check his machines? What did he do?" Jack gabbled, frantically getting changed. Rhys kept his eyes diplomatically averted away.

"He…he asked for you…but then he…went back to sleep. He seemed fine. I can't read the machines, can I?"

Jack gave Rhys a look of alarm. "He asked for me? Jack? Not…not Lisa? Because, that's who he's been asking for recently…"

"Jack. Definitely." Rhys answered nervously. "Is that not normal then?"

"It's unusual…" Jack told him. "Is Owen up? He can read the machines better then me…"

"I'll get everyone up."

Once Rhys had done the rounds, everyone was gathered round Ianto. Gwen was stroking his hair absentmindedly, Owen was checking the monitors and Tosh was watching Ianto, a strange look on her face. Jack seemed to be sulking, although Rhys would place money on guessing that Jack just couldn't bear the sight of his lover like this.

"Well?" Tosh broke the silence first. "Is he okay?" Everyone knew what she meant was: _is he any worse?_

Owen looked up. "Um…sorry to say this but scans show a peak in brainwave activity and then…nothing. It goes right back down. Chances are, if he does wake up, he'll be brain-dead." He let the news sink in.

"No."

Everyone stared at Jack.

"What…what do you mean, 'no'?"

"I mean no, he won't be brain-dead. He can't be brain-dead. We've got to…we've got to wake him up."

"Jack…" Owen said softly. "We can't…we don't know what to do…"

"Listen, Owen. We put Yan in this mess and we're going to save him." Jack said fiercely. "We're Torchwood. And this is my Torchwood and in my Torchwood, nobody dies who can be saved. Use…use alien tech."

"Jack…we can't. It hasn't been tested…it might kill him…" Gwen said uncertainly.

Jack stared at her, his gaze wild. She could see desperateness in his eyes. "I know, Gwen. I know…" he trailed off. "But I've got to try! I can't…can't let it go…can't let him go…" he was shaking and with a shock everyone suddenly realised that he was crying.

Gwen got there first, wrapping him in a tight hug. Rhys started to object…then stopped.

"If…if you're sure…" Owen said slowly. "I'll go and see whether we have much labelled under alien medicine."

"I'm sure." Jack replied heavily. _I wish it wasn't my responsibility, to decide whether to leave him be or not…_

"Okay then…" Owen wandered off. Tosh smiled at Jack, and then ran after Owen.

"I'll help you look…" she said softly, taking his hand. He smiled at her.

"Come on then."

Jack watched them go with a smile. "Sweet, huh?"

"What did Ianto say to them…?" marvelled Gwen.

"Yeah, that's the next thing. That night…we need to talk about it. Exchange secrets…it'll be tough, Gwen, secrets aren't secrets without reasons…but we need to do it."

"When Ianto's better?"

Jack took a deep breath, glancing down at Ianto whilst he spoke. "I think…after Owen and Tosh have come back. Before we use the alien drugs…before anything happens. Just in case…" he trailed off. Gwen hugged him lightly.

"I…I hope he'll be okay, Jack. We all hope he'll be okay." She felt useless but it was the best she could offer. Jack smiled at her.

"Go on. See Rhys off and then come back here. Thanks mate!" he called to Rhys. Rhys smiled, feeling bad that Ianto had woken up on his watch…and he'd been so damn useless.

"Anytime!" he called back as he wandered upstairs, Gwen behind.

Jack smiled sadly and turned back to Ianto. Before he knew it, he was lying next to the younger man, clasping Ianto's head to his chest as he let out the mass of tears that had been building up.

"Wake up, Yan. Wake up so you can kiss me, so you can hand me coffee. I don't want to have to use the alien medicines. Hell, you're not even infected anymore! I need you to wake up…to be able to hear me tell you that I love you. I can't lose you, Ianto, I just can't…" Jack cradled Ianto's limp body, listening uselessly to the weak heartbeat inside the thin body thump its way towards death.

_Yeah...sorry it's short but I'm still deciding how to make Ianto better. Or even if I should make him better...I just can't decide...X_


	10. Chapter 10

_Thanks for all the reviews! I actually have an idea now...but I don't really want to use it, it's a bit sad..._

Jack stared down into the metal box that Owen and Tosh had managed to drag into the Med Bay.

"Well?" he asked eventually.

"Well what?"

"What…uh…what is everything?"

Owen stared thoughtfully into the box again. "It's all alien medicine."

"Yes…" Jack said impatiently. "But what sort? Have we got anything catalogued? Anything that might tell us what this does?" he picked up a pile of pills and tossed them at Owen. "Come on! We can't just guess!"

"We could check the archive…" Gwen said gently. "But you know the one person who can actually find things in there is-"

"Ianto." Jack said dully. He stroked the young mans face, fingers trembling as he tried to hold on to his tears. "Well. We'll just have to think of another way of finding out."

"The thing is, Jack." Owen began slowly. "We're not sure that using these drugs is a good idea. I mean…it's up to you, of course but…we don't know what we're doing. What will happen."

Jack breathed deeply. "You said it yourself, Owen. If we leave him, the chances are he'll die. And even if he doesn't, he'll be…brain-dead. If we leave him…I'll have lost him forever."

Everyone looked slightly embarrassed as they tried to think of a way to break the news they'd all had to accept.

"Listen…Jack. We all want him to get better. But it's getting less likely. I don't know how I'll live with the guilt but…Ianto's pretty much gone…" Tosh said, the tears claiming her. Owen hugged her, his body also convulsing with sobs. Jack stared at them.

"You've both given up! This mess we got Ianto into could have been prevented if everyone had just trusted each other enough to tell their secrets! This wasn't his fault, so we're going to save him!"

Owen shook his head slightly. "God knows, I'd give anything to save the man. The guilt, Jack…you wouldn't know…but alien drugs aren't the answer."

"Neither is leaving him to die!"

The two men stared at each other, until Gwen broke the silence by coming back into the room.

"Are these the drugs?"

"Yeah…" Tosh sighed. "But we don't know what they do. We can't pick the one to use randomly…"

Gwen nodded. Ignoring Jack and Owen she went over to Ianto and stroked his hair. "He's…never going to get better…is he?" she said. Jack went over to her and hugged her. She laughed shakily and wiped away the lone tear that crept down from her watering eyes.

"We're going to make him better." Jack promised. Owen looked at him, trying to make himself believe it.

"I think we may have to be prepared for the worst." Owen murmured.

"Please, Owen, some faith. There's no way I'm letting him die like this-" Jack gestured wildly at Ianto. "He's not dying without me putting up a damn good fight. We'll call Martha if you're out of ideas, Owen."

Owen's mouth formed a surprised 'o'. He was the medic here, not Martha. He was going to cure Ianto, not Martha.

"I want to cure him as much as you." Owen muttered, defeated. "And not just because he's a patient, he…he helped me as well, okay? It's just… you have to be prepared for the worst. Just in case…"

"So, you'll help?"

"I never said I wouldn't."

"Great, but before we get to work on the drugs I want us all to have a little team talk. Okay?"

Tosh sighed. This was it. She glanced at Ianto, lying there so still…_give me the strength to tell them…_she thought. _I'm only telling them because of you. Thank you…_

* * *

"So, kids. Who wants to go first?" Jack asked. They all stared at him.

"I'll go…" Gwen volunteered. "Basically…I was annoyed with Rhys. He's just so damn unsupportive…but Ianto talked it through with me. He made me realise that I really love him…and that arguing about crap is stupid, with our jobs. Yeah." She smiled up at them. "I wasn't going to tell anyone. It's hardly aliens, is it? But…Ianto cared."

"With our jobs, it's the most important thing in the world." Jack assured her. "If we collapse with the strain of it all…we're no good. Ianto knew-knows-that."

"Yeah." She agreed.

"Okay…" Owen said. "If we all have to do this…don't laugh." His eyes met with Jack's for a minute and Jack was surprised to see that Owen looked scared.

"Well…I was sick, actually. And…when I was sick as a kid, I could never get to sleep again. Unless my mum…unless she read to me." He flushed bright red and looked away.

"Were you okay?" Gwen asked.

"Oh, yeah, it was just…actually it was all that food and alcohol. But I couldn't get to sleep so Ianto-"

"You got him to…read to you?" Jack said disbelievingly.

"No. I just got him to talk, until I fell asleep. Laugh all you want." He glowered round the table and Tosh felt a stab of sympathy for him. She didn't know what had happened to Owen to make him so self hateful but she felt even more grateful to Ianto for helping Owen.

"One more thing…" Owen added. He looked straight at Tosh. "Ianto…he was talking to me and…he made me realise that…"

"I know…" Tosh said. "He made me realise the same thing, actually." She smiled at him. "Want to give it a shot?"

"Yeah…" he agreed.

"Okay, kids, not that this isn't great and touching, especially since it's been so damned obvious but…the sooner we get this over with the sooner we can help Ianto." Jack growled. He couldn't help it but seeing Tosh and Owen united by Ianto was making him remember just how much he and Ianto were missing out on.

"Tosh?"

She felt everyone's eyes on her and swallowed. "Okay, guys. Don't…don't think badly of me after I tell you this, please. Ianto didn't…and he helped but…it's still my fault…I wasn't going to tell you it but…" she started to cry. "God, it's stupid. I mean…I don't want you to know…"

She felt Owen's arms around her. "Its okay, Tosh. Take your time." He whispered encouragingly.

"I had a dream…well, it wasn't the first time. My dad…he comes towards me, he's a ghost and he keeps coming and I know it's going to happen again. When I was little he used to…rape me…" she buried her head in Owen's shoulder. "I still used to think it was my fault, until I spoke to Ianto…"

Jack was silent for a minute. "Tosh, you know it's not your fault now though?"

She shrugged awkwardly.

"Tosh…I know you must be scared but I promise I'll look after you. You don't have to worry anymore…" Owen breathed in her ear. "I'll help you."

"Thank you…" she hugged him back. Gwen came over and patted her on the back.

"Well done for telling us…" she said. "I know it must've been hard."

Tosh nodded, gratitude for her friends swelling up inside her. She had never dreamed anyone would ever care this much for her. And it was all thanks to Ianto that she knew it.

"Let's go sort those drugs…" Gwen said. "Unless Jack has anything to say?"

"I love Ianto." Jack said simply. "He doesn't know it yet, but he helped me as well. I thought I could never love again. I was missing it. And then he collapsed and I realised…it's so much more then just sex…"

Everyone sat there, running through all the revelations they'd heard. "We should go to Ianto…" Tosh eventually said.

"Yeah." Everyone agreed. They stood up and hurried down; expecting subconsciously that maybe some miracle would have been performed. However, there was no change. Ianto still lay there, motionless. The machines were still bleeping and the box of alien medicine was still on the desk.

As they sorted through the alien medicine, Jack lifted something up, glancing over the top of it to look at Ianto. It was while he was staring that Ianto woke up.

_Well, that's their confessions over! Thanks again for all the reviews!_


	11. Chapter 11

_Thanks again for all the reviews and alerts. Hope you enjoy this chapter!_

Jack rushed immediately to Ianto's side. "Ianto?"

"Jack…" Owen said warningly. Tosh glared at him and Owen knew what she was thinking. He could almost hear her saying _leave it Owen._

"Jack…" Owen repeated, his doctor instincts kicking in. Ianto was, quite possibly, brain-dead and Owen had to be realistic about this, if no one else would.

"Ianto?" Jack asked frantically. _Please, please be okay Yan. Please, please, please…_But Ianto wasn't answering.

Jack was crouched down, still holding Ianto, rocking him back and forwards. "Please, Yan, please…" he was murmuring. Owen sighed and strode forwards, taping Jack on the shoulder.

"Come on. I need to test him. Just leave him be."

Jack glared up at Owen. "No, Owen, you can fuck off. Leave me with him. I'll wake him up, you just see. Go back to sorting through the alien drugs." He looked down at Ianto who was staring about him, confused. "Yan? Can you…hear me?"

Owen stared at him, wondering what to do. Jack obviously was still in shock from hearing that Ianto would be brain-dead. Maybe it would be best to leave him to come to terms with the fact that the man he loved was gone now, leaving an empty shell.

He sighed and turned back to the others. "Let's go sort this out upstairs…" he murmured emptily. Gwen nodded, obviously pleased to get away from Ianto but Tosh shot him a sad glance. She knew how much it stung to leave someone you couldn't help, had experienced the same kind of grief herself. He grimaced back at her and she laughed and caught his hand.

"Come on then." She agreed.

* * *

"Ianto, please." Jack was begging him, the tears flowing freely now that the others were gone. "I need someone; I need someone to show me that life is worth living again. I need someone to love, Ianto, I need you." He knew it was hopeless but he carried on spitting the words out anyway, bitterly. "I need someone to hold me every morning, not someone to shag. I didn't know how much I was missing but you…you've made me remember. Goddammit I nearly told you so many times…and now it's too late…too late to tell you that I love you. I can't delude myself any more, Ianto. Please."

He waited. _In stories, he'd respond now._ When nothing happened, when Ianto just lay there, eyes flickering, mouth open, Jack gave a harsh laugh and stood up. He was leaving the room, wiping the tears away when he heard the voice behind him.

"Jack?" It was Ianto's voice, definitely, weak and feeble perhaps but definitely Ianto. Jack whirled around.

"Yan?"

"Jack? I need to tell you…there's someone in the basement. Lisa. Save her…please save her, save Lisa…" Ianto said as quickly as his dry lips would allow. "I hid her…I hid her to save her…I love her…"

Jack closed his eyes briefly. Adjusting his comms, he called Owen. "Get down here, now. He's awake but delirious."

He walked back over to Ianto, trying to hide his pain. Even though he knew Ianto wasn't thinking straight, it hurt him to hear Ianto's love declared to someone else.

"Yan?" he asked quietly. "Yan…can you hear me? Do you need anything?"

"Was it those weevils, Jack?"

"What?" Jack asked, momentarily wrong footed.

"Y'know. Those weevils. Did they put me here?"

"Put you here?"

"Yeah. In the Med Bay, Jack. Those weevils, ten of them, remember?"

"Uh…" Jack was lost for words. He could remember the incident well, ten weevils that had attacked the two of them. Ianto had been knocked out. That had been…ages ago. Before Lisa, before the cannibals, before…before their first kiss. And that was where Ianto's mind was now.

Owen came rushing in, over to Ianto's side. "Well?" he said as he checked the monitors.

"He's…his minds gone back. To before."

"When exactly?" Owen snapped impatiently.

"Remember those ten weevils me and Yan got hit by? That's what he thinks put him here."

Owen froze. "That long?"

"Yeah." Jack knew what Owen was thinking of. "Before Lisa."

"Ah. Well, according to these he's all healthy now, as apposed to before. Just…weak."

"All better?" Jack could hardly believe it.

"Apparently, the only effect is the amnesia."

"But…he only just woke up! How can his body be better already?"

Owen shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe he's just sicked it all up?"

Jack grimaced. "Lovely. It was Tosh he was sick on wasn't it?"

"What about me?" Tosh asked, coming back in the room with Gwen. "And how is he?"

"Suffering from amnesia." Owen replied.

"Before you ask, yes, from before…Lisa. When she was still hidden." Jack said shortly, his eyes fixed on Ianto. He was realising the possibility that the man he'd loved-his Ianto-was gone forever. Suddenly it all seemed so hopeless. Alien drugs ouldn't work. Ianto would be gone and Jack...he'd have no-one to live for. He wiped his eyes angrily but couldn't stop the tears coming again. Tosh hugged him, worried. She had seen Jack through some pretty bad times and he's never cried this much. He'd never broken down before and now he was just…vulnerable. Her heart ached to save Ianto, not only for himself now…but for Jack.

"Jack?" she asked. He nodded, his face still buried into her back. She pushed him away slowly. "Go and lie down. You're more tired then any of us. You're no good to Ianto like this-" she was cut short by Jack.

"I'm no good to him at all. I promised him, Tosh, I promised him I'd look after him. I've tried so damn hard to save him and you know what? You've been right. We can't save him."

"No, Jack. You've been right. We got him here and we're getting him out of here, or we're trying our best to. Okay?" she told him firmly. She could feel Owen frowning, she knew he didn't believe in false hope…but she also knew she owed it to Ianto to help him.

"Gwen and I found some pills that are labelled as _immunisation of memory loss._" She held up the corresponding pills. "Any good?"

Owen frowned. "They sound like they're for prevention, not treatment. But it's the best we have."

"Well then." She tossed the packet to him.

"Here goes…" he muttered, clearly not convinced that the pills were going to work. He glanced at Jack. "Hold him." He instructed. Jack glanced at him, then simply nodded. He moved down and held Ianto, who was too weak to protest. Jack stroked his hair and looked up at Owen.

"Do it now." He said softly. "I'm ready." As Owen nodded and moved forwards with the pills and a glass of water, Jack closed his eyes despairingly. "I'm sorry, Ianto." He breathed. "I'm sorry I caused this. Sorry I hired you. Sorry I tortured you. Sorry I never told you how I felt…"

Gwen felt sick watching them. She was realising that Jack really had lost all hope in these pills. Whether he'd just changed his mind, gotten nerves…or maybe Ianto had said something to him. But he'd lost all hope in this. He honestly believed Ianto was going to die.

She closed her eyes as Ianto swallowed the pills. She couldn't bear to watch.

_Thanks for all the reviews, again. _


	12. Chapter 12

_Thanks again for all the reviews and alerts, it's been great!_

Owen didn't look at Ianto as he gave him the pills. He didn't want to watch, just in case…and he didn't want to look at Jack either, because Jack had lost all hope that Ianto could be cured. Which wasn't too inspiring, to be honest.

"Sorry Ianto…" Owen muttered to himself as he gave him the pills. He didn't mean to mirror Jack's little speech or anything-but he couldn't quite shake the feeling that this could go horribly wrong.

Ianto swallowed the pills relatively easily. Well. He did know that he was in the Torchwood Med Bay. He just thought it was because he had been attacked by weevils.

As he swallowed, his body shook slightly. Owen automatically moved to hold him down but Jack was already there, keeping him steady. Owen had to admit he'd never seen Jack this gentle before.

"Is he…" Tosh asked after a silent minute. Owen shook himself.

"Oh, right, yeah. Um…" he moved to check the computer screens, for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. Tosh didn't ask what he'd been thinking about. She didn't need to.

"He's…he's not dead, his body's still perfectly healthy but this screens gone dead…" Owen thumped the computer screen angrily. "It's not his brain that's gone dead, it's the screen…oh, come on…!"

Jack spoke for the first time since Ianto had taken the pills. "Can you fix it? Or will we have to wait?" His voice was flat, devoid of all emotion. Owen had never seen him look so lost.

"Maybe."

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe I can fix it. Or maybe we'll have to wait."

"If…" Jack could hardly get the words out. "If he still thinks he's…y'know, back then…" his unspoken question hung in the air.

"Well…we'll have to decide that later…" Tosh answered smoothly. "Are you going to wait here with him Jack?" He nodded mutely.

"I'll stay as well." Owen announced. When Jack shot a glare at him he recoiled. "Hey, hey, I'm the doctor remember?"

"I'll go upstairs then, check the computers and man the stations…" Tosh said tiredly. She glanced over at Gwen. "You coming?" Gwen didn't move. "Coming, Gwen?"

"If he still thinks he's hiding Lisa…" Gwen asked timidly. "And we decide to try and cure his amnesia, jog his memories-whatever-then he'll have to lose her again, won't he?"

Owen stared at her. They'd all been thinking it of course-but she'd had to go and bring it up, hadn't she?

"So…" Gwen continued. "For him…we'll be killing her again, won't we? He'll be losing her again and it'll be because I kept him up…"

"We all kept him up. Don't just blame yourself Gwen." Tosh soothed her. She glanced over to Jack, expecting him to comfort Gwen again but he just sat there, clinging on to Ianto silently.

"Jack?" Owen asked. Clearly he'd noticed this before.

"You go up. I'll care for him." Jack said strongly. Owen smiled and knelt down.

"Yeah right Jack. Good one. I've no intention of leaving him-or leaving you, for that matter. God Jack, you know he won't die. That's a relief, right? At least?"

"It's not him, Owen." Jack told him. "It's not my Ianto. This one-this one is just a casual shag, remember? I don't…" Jack looked down at Ianto. "I don't love this Ianto, Owen. And I couldn't bear to see him every day, remembering what I lost. I can't lose him, Owen. I can't."

"Are you saying…" Owen said slowly, glancing round just to check that the girls had left. "Are you saying that if he doesn't get his memories back we should…freeze him? Not even try to jog his memories?"

Jack looked down again. "I…I know it sounds harsh but-"

"You…" Owen was speechless. "You bastard! You selfish bastard!"

"I can't live with him like that." Jack said, his voice low and menacing. "I can't hurt him again. He'll find out things…like Lisa. He'll be torn apart again and he'll hate me because he won't have been there."

"Jack!" Owen shouted, almost screaming the words at him. "For god's sake Jack, what's got into you? You're giving up? On Ianto? What was it you said earlier? _This wasn't his fault, so we're going to save him!"_

Jack stared at Owen wordlessly. "I…I…" he groped for words but Owen wasn't having any of it.

"We've all lost people, Jack! We've all been through shit…just 'coz you've lived longer doesn't mean it hurts you more, or less! It doesn't make you any different! And I think you're forgetting-we'll all have to watch Ianto go through pain. We'll all have the guilt of putting him through that! None of us want that-"

"You don't love him." Jack's voice came through steadily. Owen sighed.

"Not in the way you do perhaps. But we're a team Jack. And Ianto's part of that."

Jack stared at him. Owen could almost hear his brain thinking.

"Sorry. I'm being stupid." Jack sighed and looked up into Owen's face.

"Yeah." Owen agreed.

"If the drugs haven't worked…" Jack said slowly. Owen sighed. "No, listen. If they haven't worked…and we can't do anything I can always try the Doctor."

Owen stared at Jack. He'd never met the Doctor but Jack made him sound so special, so fantastic that Owen swore he actually felt his heart jump.

"Could he help?" Owen asked enthusiastically.

"Yeah." Jack sighed gloomily.

"You…don't sound too happy about it…" Owen hedged.

"He thinks I'm wrong." Jack said simply. "He's scared of me. And-more to the point-he thinks I love him."

"Do you?"

"Once upon a time." Jack smiled, reminiscing. "Once upon a time…"

"But if he can cure Ianto?"

"Then I don't care if I have to speak to him again. He's fantastic, he'll always be fantastic…but I don't know whether I would want to speak to him again. Some things are better left not done."

Owen grinned. He saw Jack stare at him. "What?" he asked.

"You're actually smiling." Jack said, acting surprised. "Not smirking!"

"You love him." Owen said, almost singing the words. "You really love him. So much!" his voice dropped, becoming more sincere. "I've known you for a long time, Jack. And I've never seen you happy before. I mean really, truly happy, the kind of happiness when nothing can go wrong, ever." Jack didn't say anything, but his eyes urged Owen to continue. "And you're happy now, with Ianto. For the first time since I've known you. Can I not be happy for you?"

Jack didn't reply but looked down at Ianto again, stroking his hair. "Come on. Wake up. And please-please be okay…" he was whispering.

Ianto slowly opened his eyes, right on cue! Owen listened to his heart hammer. _Please remember…_he found himself wishing.

"Jack?" Ianto asked.

"Yes?" Jack replied, trying to keep the excitement out of his voice.

"The weevils? Are they…dead…" Owen sighed. The pills had done nothing.

Suddenly Ianto gasped. His body convulsed and he started thrashing. Both Owen and Jack automatically stepped back, shocked.

"Navish!" Ianto gasped. "Navish, felinga, horritle…"

"He's remembering everything since the weevils…" Owen whispered. "All the aliens we faced."

"Yeah…" Jack whispered back, his face pale. "Which means-"

"Lisa…" Ianto gasped. "You killed her, Jack."

"That." Jack continued. He closed his eyes in despair. "If he's just remembering the aliens, and nothing else, how's he going to think of me? A cold blooded killer, Owen. That's how. He…he won't remember anything non alien related, will he? Anything like…that game of truth or dare, remember that? Ianto won't!"

As Ianto continued to spout lists of aliens, Jack waited for him to say something personal. Anything. If only he'd been listing kisses or dates as well. Anything to make Jack believe that Ianto would remember him as he was now, not as the boss who'd killed his girlfriend.

But Ianto only listed aliens.

_Sorry for the cliffhanger (again)...but at least Ianto's awake now! That's got to be some comfort to you people who threatened me if I didn't help him...No? Oh well..._

_Navish were in a Doctor Who story I wrote ages ago on another account. They're kind of big, fluffy ducks who are pure evil. The felinga and horritle are just random alien names I invented. Feel free to use them!_


	13. Chapter 13

_Thanks for all the reviews, as always it's been great. I'll try and get this story finished before I go away for my holiday!_

It was weird hearing all the names of the aliens they had faced. Owen had forgotten half of them, to be honest.

"Abaddon, blowfish…" Ianto continued to splutter out the names. Owen was staring at him fascinated. Was he thinking, or just talking? Was he still thinking about Lisa and Jack's betrayal of her whilst his mouth moved of its own accord? What was happening?

Jack groaned. Owen's head spun to stare at him.

"What's the matter?"

"He's not remembering." Jack said despairingly. "After Abaddon…well, if he was going to remember anything it would have been that…" Owen didn't ask what Jack was talking about. He didn't really want to know.

"D'you reckon he understands what he's remembering?" Owen questioned.

"Watcha mean?"

"Like…does he understand what he's saying, is he remembering all the incidents or is his mind not controlling his mind?"

"Are you saying he's possessed?" Jack asked, dully.

"Okay, okay, I'll guess we just have to wait and see."

Jack rolled his eyes. "No. We can't afford to wait; if something's gone wrong and we wait we'll lose precious time. No." he set off towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Owen shouted, reluctant to leave his patient.

"To call the Doctor." Jack didn't look round. Owen gaped after him.

"What about Ianto?"

Jack stopped and looked round slowly. "I'll be quick. I'm no good to him just sitting here. If he wakes up, buzz for me and I'll come quickly, but…if it looks like he's going to faint or whatever and I'm not here…tell him that I…" his voice trailed off.

"Jack?"

"You know what to say." Jack gave Owen a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes then turned around and headed out of the room.

"Yeah." Owen replied even though no one was in the room to hear him. A thought occurred to him. "Send Tosh down?" he called.

"Sure." Jack's voice drifted down faintly. Owen smiled and settled back, trying not to listen to Ianto.

* * *

Tosh gasped as she walked in. "What happened?" she asked faintly, staring at Ianto.

"Isn't he out of aliens by now?" Owen glanced up at Tosh. She was shocked to see he had his iPod in. He gave an embarrassed chuckle. "Sorry. Uh…the Boomtown Rats help me relax…"

She laughed. "I don't like Mondays?"

"Got it in one."

"Bit…dark, isn't it? I always found it depressing really…"

"It…deserves to be remembered. Plus, it's a fantastic song."

"Whatever. So, what happened?"

"The pills. He's remembering all the aliens we've faced since…that weevil attack."

Tosh stiffened. "All? Uh…did he remember...uh…"

"Lisa, yeah…but whether he's still thinking about it or whether he's doing this automatically we don't know."

"What's Jack doing? He just locked himself in his office…"

"He's contacting the Doctor, I think. Via Martha I think-although if she comes…" Owen scowled. Tosh smiled. It was sweet to see that Owen still felt protective over his job…although it's not as if Martha had had to take it over, for whatever reason.

"He's contacting the Doctor? The Doctor? As in…the Doctor…?"

Owen nodded. "He's really…he really loves Ianto. The rules don't apply because it's Jack that's in love…"

"It's not going to destroy anything, to call the Doctor…" Tosh pointed out, hurt. _Owen still wants Diane._ She thought bitterly. _I must have been kidding myself that he could ever want me…_

"Hey, I'm sorry…" he apologised. "I didn't mean that…I do want to be with you and give this a try…"

"You're crap at apologies Owen."

"Yeah, I am!" he said, laughing. "But I mean it. Ianto was right-if everyone else can see it…"

Tosh looked down, embarrassed but she was shocked to suddenly feel Owen's lips on hers, soft and gentle. She responded eagerly, desperate to block out Ianto's voice as it reminded her of every near death encounter she had ever had with Torchwood.

After what seemed a very long time, they drew apart. Owen kissed Tosh's nose, then nibbled her ear…she was willing him to continue, despite knowing it was wrong to do it now, when Ianto was in such danger and Jack was so depressed…but it felt so good…

Suddenly Owen froze. Tosh looked up at him, surprised to find that she was lying in her chair with him leaning over her…

"What…what's the matter…?" she asked in a tiny voice, still shaking.

"Listen."

She listened. "I don't hear anything."

"Exactly." She looked at him questioningly. "Ianto!"

They hurried over. Ianto was lying on the bench, very still with his eyes open. He looked up at Tosh gravely.

"Ianto?" she whispered.

"Lisa…" he croaked, his eyes filing with tears. "I can remember…you killed her, didn't you? Why…why don't I remember what happened next? I can remember aliens…what's happening?" his voice filled with panic. "What have you done to me?"

Suddenly Jack rushed through the door. "Thanks." He said shortly to Owen. Owen merely nodded. Jack ran to Ianto's side and kissed him passionately, running his hands through Ianto's hair. It would have been a touching scene but for what happened next. Ianto gasped and pulled away from Jack.

"Get off me, you bastard." He hissed. Jack froze and stared at Ianto for a second.

"You just remember the aliens, don't you?" It wasn't really a question.

"I don't know what you've done to me, or whether these memories of aliens are real but I do know that you killed Lisa. And now…you're coming to kill me too."

"No, Ianto!" Jack exclaimed. "You're wrong…in so many ways, you're wrong…"

"Explain."

"This is august 2008. You got ill…then we couldn't get you better, and you got amnesia and so we tried alien tech…as a last attempt. But you only remembered the alien encounters."

"Lisa?" Ianto looked at him, tears spilling down his cheeks. Jacks instinct to kiss them away was so strong he bent down…then straightened back up again.

"We killed her. You remember. I'm sorry."

"Why should you be sorry? You killed her because she was a monster. I didn't understand why you didn't kill me then. Now, I know. You were saving me for later."

"No…but of course you don't remember. I would never try and kill you."

"You killed Lisa. You've fed me memories of things that I don't remember and you've skipped out massive chunks in my life. Why aren't I dead?"

"I…you have to understand, Yan, you're suffering from amnesia. You might only think of me as a killer now but you don't, really…"

"I hate you, Jack. Don't try to convince me otherwise. I know how I feel…"

"No. You don't." Jack insisted. Tosh moved forwards gently.

"Ianto, Jack…please…"

"Tosh…please…" Ianto mocked. Tosh stared, not realising how bitter Ianto had been after Lisa.

"Ianto, listen. You have to trust me. We don't hate you…"

"Well, that's your story. I hate you. All of you. If these memories are true-which I doubt-then I don't know why I continued working for you. And what, why have I supposedly only remembered the aliens? It's all a plot, and I know it. So say what you like, Jack, but don't expect me to listen. I'm not going to stay here and be killed. My life might be worth nothing but at least let me try and live it." Ianto spat at Jack, leaping up from the table and running out of the door. Jack remained frozen.

"Damn." Owen swore.

"Gwen, look the Hub. Now." Tosh was ordering on her comms.

"What? Why? Is Ianto-"

"Just do it." Tosh demanded.

"Done."

"Jack?" Tosh turned to look at him.

"Go." He said.

"Jack, I'm sure the Doctor-"

"Go and look after Ianto. I'm sure he won't want me."

Tosh wanted to refuse that but she found she couldn't. "I'm sorry." She said before leaving the room.

"I…I better go…" Owen said awkwardly.

"Fine."

"You better stay here." Owen knew how much the words would hurt, but he couldn't risk Ianto getting upset with Jack and doing something stupid.

"Fine."

Owen paused, wondering if he should say something but decided against it. He exited the room. Jack just leaned against the bed, replaying Ianto's words in his head.

_I hate you! All of you!_


	14. Chapter 14

_Thanks again for all the reviews-over a 100, wow! Hope this chapter is okay!_

"What's happening?" Gwen hissed to Tosh and Owen. She was watching Ianto as he ran his hands over the Hub wall, looking for a way to escape.

"Uh…it's a bit hard to explain…" Owen muttered back.

"I can hear you." Ianto spat, without turning round. "I can hear you over my shoulder. Whispering away. Trying to think of a way to kill me as well."

Gwen gasped. "Ianto, we're not trying to kill you! Why do you think that?"

"You killed Lisa. You wanted to kill me then. I wondered why you didn't. Now I know. You were bloody well saving me for later!"

"The Doctor's coming. He'll help." Tosh consoled Gwen.

"The Doctor? But…and…what about Jack?"

"Ianto doesn't remember about them being together, he hates Jack the most I think-"

"Jack?" Ianto span round, a look of pure hatred on his face. "Where?"

"No, he's not here, he's still down there!" Owen spluttered, trying to get out of Ianto's way before he got hurt.

"Good." Ianto said, spinning back around and heading back towards the wall. "If I see him, I'll kill him. Before he can kill me. Even if he can't die, the pain will show him…! Because he wrecked my life and then he bloody tried to kiss me. I mean, what the fuck was that about?"

"Because I love you." Everyone turned to see Jack standing there. Owen tried to gasp out a warning but too late because Ianto had charged at Jack, screaming.

"How dare you say that?"

"You don't remember, Yan, but you love me too." Jack tried to explain as he ducked out of Ianto's path. Owen caught his eye and saw that Jack didn't care what would happen to him; he couldn't get over the fact that this Ianto didn't love him.

"I could never love someone like you." Ianto scowled disdainfully, turning around to face Jack. Jack braced himself for Ianto to charge again but luckily he heard the familiar whirring of the TARDIS.

"Thank God…" he breathed, looking around at his startled team. The door of the time machine opened and the Doctor strolled out cockily.

"Jack." He looked around and suddenly gasped. "Jack, this is Torchwood! Why did you bring me here?"

"Um, I work here, remember? Didn't Martha say I needed you here?"

"Oh hello!" he saw Tosh and ran forwards, a manic smile on his face. "Dr Sato? Seen any more space pigs recently?"

"Uh…I'm sorry, have we met?"

"Well, once upon a time in another life…" he shrugged before turning to Jack. "What do you want, Jack? You know I don't approve of Torchwood but Martha did ask so nicely…"

Jack breathed through his teeth slowly. "I wouldn't ask if I wasn't desperate. This is Ianto Jones, Doctor."

"Ianto, hello." The Doctor greeted him cheerfully enough, but Owen noticed he was standing a fair way back. "What's wrong with you then?"

As Jack started explaining Owen and Tosh took a careful peek into the strange machine. Their initial instinct to seal it off so they could take it was strong but their curiosity was stronger.

"Oy." The Doctor warned. "Remove your guns. She doesn't like guns."

"She let me have them." Jack pointed out.

"Even my magnificent time machine responds to your charms." The Doctor mused. "So, what's so special about this Ianto then?" his tone became hard. "You must lose people all the time. Why call me now, when it's only amnesia?"

Gwen stepped forwards. "Can you help him or not?"

"Gwen, is it?"

"I…I don't recall telling you my name…" she said, perturbed.

"Sometimes, the face just fits." He grinned. "I don't know whether I can help him or not. I need to see the pills. Ianto Jones-" he pulled the man to his feet-"you're coming with me."

"Fuck off!" Ianto pulled away violently. "I'm not coming anywhere with you-any of you. I know how to reopen the Hub and once the times up, I'm getting out of here. You want to kill me, Jack but can't you just let me live my life?"

"You think he wants to kill you?" the Doctor looked at Jack pointedly. "Why?"

"Oh come on. You must be in on it too. He killed Lisa, okay? I just want a chance to have a life, Jack. Please leave me alone."

"Your life is with me!" Jack insisted.

"You keep saying that, but it's not true. I don't love you. And you hate me."

"You can't remember, that's all."

Gwen tapped the Doctor and Jack. "Come on. I don't think he's coming with us."

"But-"

"Jack, coming with us is the way to save our Ianto. Pleading with him is not."

The Doctor was staring incredulously at Jack. "You…love him…"

"Get over it, Doctor. I'm sure people were gay where you came from." Jack taunted, not wanting to hear the Doctor go off on a speech about loyalty, about how Jack being immortal would harm Ianto in the long run and how Jack Harkness would not commit.

"No, that's not it. Besides, think of the amount of guys I've seen you flirt with." The Doctor dismissed. "Hell, you even kissed me…"

"What?" stammered Gwen loudly.

"But, if you really love him…then great!"

"What?" exclaimed Jack. "No speech?"

"What?" the Doctor asked, confused. "I know you, and if you are willingly to declare that you love someone then I know that it must be true."

"Thanks." Jack smiled. "I can't lose Ianto, Doctor, I just can't."

"How many have you lost?" The Doctor asked him quietly.

"Too many." The faces flashed through Jack's mind. "And Ianto…he didn't even do anything wrong. If he dies like this, bitter, then it'll be because he was helping us, with all our problems. I can't let that happen. Help me."

"I'll do my best." The Doctor answered.

"Thanks."

"So, I need that pill."

"I'll show you the way." Gwen offered but Jack shook his head.

"No, I will. You need to watch Ianto."

"What, in case there's a chance to grab me?" Ianto snarled. "Forget it."

Jack closed his eyes briefly. "In case you do something stupid. Doctor-this way. Watch out for the pterodactyl. She's a bit hungry…Ianto normally feeds her…"

Gwen watched them leave. She really wanted to go and look inside the TARDIS, but Jack had asked her to look after Ianto.

"They're probably doing it in there anyway." She muttered sourly, thinking of Tosh and Owen.

"If you come near me, I'll kill you." Ianto suddenly announced. Gwen whirled, to see him fingering a knife. She cowered-how had she let her guard slip? She was supposed to be watching him!

"Okay." She answered. "Okay, fine. Look, love, we're not trying to kill you-"

"So why did you kill her?"

"She was a monster. She put our lives in danger."

"So did I by putting her there."

"She tried to kill me."

"I've killed before."

"It's not that simple, Ianto. She would have gone on killing. You only kill when you have to."

"That's not true. I killed a man once. He was screaming out in pain and I couldn't stop myself. It was a mistake but I still killed him." Ianto whispered, his face contorting in an evil grin.

"No! Stop it, stop it…please, Ianto. Stop it." She cried, trying to block the sound of Ianto's words.

"I'm a monster." He said. "So why aren't you trying to kill me?"

And suddenly Gwen found that she had no answer.

_Just so you know, Ianto can't remember Adam as then he'd come back. He also can't remember any of the fake memories, like the girls he though he had killed._


	15. Chapter 15

_Thanks again for all the reviews. This is the penultimate chapter, and since I'm nice-no cliffhanger!_

"Got it!" Jack exclaimed, rummaging through the open box of alien medicine. He handed the pill to the Doctor who sniffed it.

"Oh, that! That's easy, it's a Klavotchian pill. They're very keen medics, the Klavotchianeses. But it's more…spiritual, the pills they have are very much based on the mind. I expect you have Retcon? Well, they developed that…and this is just the basic memory pill, although it's for prevention officially. When taken as treatment…it'll only restore the memories felt when the patient experienced certain emotions. Generally those emotions are the ones the patient, or people around the patient, are experiencing when the pill is taken…"

"So Ianto only remembered the experiences when he was scared or upset because we were scared and upset when he took the pill?"

"Exactly!"

"So to make him remember we have to administer another pill whilst feeling happy?"

"Exactly! Uh…I would make him unconscious whilst you give him it."

"Knock him out?"

"Well, don't use violence…" the Doctor muttered. "Use drugs or something."

"Fine." Jack breathed. "Thank you, Doctor."

"I should probably tell you that, if you gave him the pills more then 5 hours ago, he won't remember. They have to be taken together, the two different emotions, as it were. Well…not together but one after another."

"What? That only gives me about…" Jack checked his watch. "Half an hour!"

"So? You can give him a pill in that time. Bye, Jack." He paused. "Don't try and find me, Jack. You're fantastic, but wrong. It's against me, my upbringing, and my people, to allow you to continue even existing. Being around you is hard. It's not you…it's what you are. I only did it for Martha." He replied tersely. "I'm not coming back, Jack."

"You can't just ignore me for ever!"

"I can forget that you exist. So I don't do anything to harm you."

"But what about me? I can't help who I am, Doctor!"

"You have your team. Your lover. You don't need me."

"See, this is why I fell out of love." Jack told him, trying to hurt the Doctor. He knew it was silly and childish but he resented being left for 'what he was'. The Doctor paused.

"Did you love me, Jack? Like you love Ianto? If so…could you fall out of love with Ianto as easily as you fell out of love with me?"

"No." Jack replied, not even considering the question. "I wish to God I could age with him, die with him. But I can't so I'm going to make every last moment with him amazing."

"Bye, Jack."

"Wait!" Jack called after the disappearing figure.

"What?"

"Get Owen and Tosh out of there!"

The figure nodded and Jack watched the Doctor walk out of his life. Then he followed him slowly, the pills in his hand, trying to gather up all the happiness and hope he could. For Ianto's sake.

"Owen, sedate Ianto." He called. "Quickly." He listened for the reply but none came. "Owen!"

"Over here." Owen called. He, Tosh and Gwen were huddled in a corner, watching Ianto nervously. Jack hurried over.

"Come on, we've only got half an hour. The Doctor went, I take it?"

Tosh nodded. "Amazing TARDIS, it…spoke to us. Told us some stuff." She sounded awed.

Jack nodded. "She must like you." A thought struck him and he frowned. "What sort of stuff?"

"Some scientific stuff, you wouldn't care. Could the Doctor…could he not help?"

"He explained to me what to do." Jack said, his mind getting back on track. "But to be honest, he can't stand being around me. His Time Lord upbringing is telling him that I'm wrong."

Tosh nodded. "Ianto-"

"He's okay?" Jack peered intently at Ianto, who was stood back watching them, playing with a knife.

"Planning on helping me, Jack?" Ianto's voice dripped with malice and sarcasm. "Why would you want to help me? I'm a monster…"

"No…" Jack told him, unnerved. "You're not…"

"I killed someone." Ianto told him. "An old man."

Jack breathed slowly. "Do you remember why you killed him?" He didn't doubt the truth of the fact, because he knew Ianto and he knew when Ianto was lying. Even if this wasn't his Ianto, he was still Ianto.

"No." Ianto's voice was flat. "I know it was a mistake but I can't remember how. Who cares? I'm still a monster. You know it as well as I do. After all...you recognise monsters, don't you, Jack?"

"Ianto, stop it. I'm sure it was an accident, like you said and that you did the right thing, responsibly. And you need to take these pills. Now."

Ianto sneered. "I may end up killing myself but trust me, there's no way you're getting me to take those pills."

Owen had been creeping up behind Ianto and, suddenly, taking everyone by surprise, punched him hard and knocked him out.

"The Doctor said not to use force, but if you want him out cold, there's only one way to do it." Owen said smugly. "Now, where do you need him?"

"Just…leave him there. I'll give him the pill. This is going to be hard enough alone, let alone with other people in the room. Please…leave." Jack asked them, concentrating hard on finding a happy memory.

He recalled days spent at the Hub, countless people he'd known, days in the TARDIS with Rose and the Doctor. As the time ticked on he became more panicky.

Eventually he sighed. Opening his eyes, he looked down at Ianto and bent down to kiss him once more. Suddenly a rush of memories engulfed him: Ianto laughing, smiling, kissing him, making love to him…

Holding on to the thoughts, he slipped the pill into Ianto's lips and made him swallow. Then he sat back and prayed hard.

"Please." He whispered. "Please, please, please."

Suddenly Ianto's eyes opened. Jack stared into them, hoping for recognition. He saw love. He'd need some care, some talking-but he'd be okay.

Ianto held Jack tightly, Jack returning the embrace. They stayed like that until Jack could hear voices, in the background.

"It's okay…" Jack murmured. Then louder- "It's okay."

He had his Ianto back. He tried to say 'I love you', but no words came out. It didn't matter anyway. Ianto knew.

_Next (and last chapter) will be tying up the loose ends and lots of fluff! _


	16. Chapter 16

_Well, this is the end. Thanks so much to everyone who have reviewed-it means so much. I'm much better at writing angst then fluff so I hope this chapter is okay. And it's dedicated to my friend Rebecca who wanted them to tango, not have sex._

Jack sat in silence with Ianto snuggled up close to him.

"This is boring." Jack grouched. It had been Ianto's choice of film but he knew that neither of them were watching it anyway; they were just waiting for someone to start talking.

"I guess it is." Ianto agreed. "Why did the others go? I very much doubt that they all had plans…"

"They…uh, they wanted to leave you alone with me. You scared them all." Jack said gently. Ianto closed his eyes.

"I understand why it happened but I don't understand…"

"Yes?"

"Why can I still feel the hatred for myself?" Ianto asked, his voice tiny, tears welling up in his beautiful eyes.

"Do you still hate the rest of us?" Jack asked, playing for time as he wondered what to say.

"No. The memories are still there, but the forgiveness and everything else has overpowered the hatred I felt for you."

Jack kissed him then, longing for the feeling of Ianto inside him. Ianto kissed him back passionately but refusing to allow it to go any further until he understood. Jack sighed to himself.

"I don't know why you still feel that…self hatred. I guess…I guess you always had it, that nagging feeling of guilt. Am I right?"

"It got better." Ianto said slowly. "After I had to kill, with Torchwood. And all the while I knew it was an accident and that I did the right thing telling the Police and everything, so I kind of buried the self hatred away. And I hated everyone after Lisa, especially myself…" Jack held him tight.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to lose her again, and relive all your worst memories without the good times there as well. The good times are what keeps us going…" Ianto nodded and sniffed, drying his eyes on Jack's greatcoat.

"He was trying to help me." Ianto said. "It was a good time; I was happy right before it happened. That's why I didn't remember the…circumstances." He laughed sourly. Jack stroked his hair tenderly, encouraging Ianto to continue. "We were playing football. I don't know why. I was apologising. It was his store I shoplifted from. And he was all kind and everything so we started kicking the ball around. But…"

"But?" Jack prompted him, his hand rubbing Ianto's back soothingly.

"But I still felt really bitter. So I kicked the ball extra hard. It wasn't my fault; it was an accident that he moved so it hit him right on the chest but I knew it would hurt. And I couldn't stop myself." He looked down but Jack caught his chin and cupped it in his hand.

"You did the right thing. You waited with him. You felt guilty, and that's the most important thing. And, like you say, you didn't mean it to happen, right?"

Ianto nodded. "I guess."

"You sound unconvinced."

"Everyone blamed me, there just wasn't enough evidence or what have you to convict me. I just got an official warning and my parents were told to watch me. Being accepted like you just accepted me is…odd."

Jack pulled him closer. "And I'm not…odd?"

"My kind of odd." Ianto teased.

"You hated me." Jack suddenly said. "That killed me, Yan. You didn't know how you could ever love me."

"I was stupid."

"No. That was still you. How you could have been…" Jack shuddered. "That could have been you."

"Without your influence." Ianto acknowledged. "Guess it was a good thing you gave me that job, then?"

"You looked good in that suit. You still do."

"I know. You tell me often enough…"

"Yeah, but it gains a different meaning when you know I love you."

Ianto smiled and kissed Jack. "I used to think there could never be another girl for me."

"Are you saying I'm a girl?" Jack demanded, pretending to be hurt.

"I never considered going with guys." Ianto admitted.

"What? But you're so good at it-"

"I learnt from you."

"Ah, that can happen." Jack nodded. "I'm not trying to replace Lisa. I'm a whole different person. A different love."

"A different love." Ianto echoed. Jack smiled and kissed him, his hands stroking Ianto's hair.

"Let's get up." Jack encouraged.

"Sex addict, Jack."

"No."

"What?" Ianto asked, confused.

"I want this relationship to be more then that. I don't just want sex. I want love."

"You've got that. You'll always have that. So what do I need to get up for?"

"This." Jack smiled as he pressed a button on his watch. Music started up, dancing music that filled the room with its lively beat.

"Let's tango." Jack announced. Ianto sniggered.

"Tango? I can't tango…"

"Trust me, you can." Jack took Ianto and carefully moved him into the right position. "So you do this…yeah, that's right, then this…" carefully he showed Ianto what to do.

"I get it." Ianto nodded. They worked well together, their bodies automatically responding to each other as they danced. When the song finished Jack took Ianto into his arms as Glen Miller started up.

"Now this is another kind of dancing altogether…" he murmured. "Works best outdoors…somewhere high up, but this will do…"

"Rooftops?" Ianto laughed.

"No. Big Ben." Jack grinned.

"This is…impossibly romantic." Ianto sighed as they swayed together. Jack kissed him again, filling Ianto with lust and love.

"Come on." Jack said as the song ended.

"What? No waltz?" Ianto asked.

"Trust me…what's coming next is better then any dancing."

"So the lure of sex finally got you?"

"We are never just going to shag, Yan. We are going to make love, and you are going to love it."

"How can I not love being with you?"

"A few hours ago, you didn't." Jack whispered. Ianto sighed.

"A few hours ago, I wasn't myself. I love you. I will always love you. I'm dreading you meeting my mum but, right now, there's no-one I'd rather be with."

Jack nodded. "Don't leave me." He asked. He knew it was an ironic request coming from him but he had to ask.

"Don't leave me." Ianto said.

"I've seen the Doctor now Yan and I thought that being with him would be better then being here. But with him, all I could think about was you. So I came back."

"Enough talking." Ianto instructed. He forced Jack down and lifted his greatcoat gently off his back.

"God, Ianto, I missed you so much…" Jack groaned. He kissed Ianto and led him into the next room, where a bed was waiting.

There was still more to be said, a team to comfort and bonds to be remade. But for now, none of that mattered. Love came first, always, and it would never come last. Because love-this love-would never end.

**_THE END_**

_I couldn't find a way to finish it but I think I got it right (eventually). Thanks to everyone again-I love you all!_

_gaia-x-goddess_


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